I used to be one of those strange people who actually enjoyed doing the weekly shopping. I’d write my list the night before, put my shopping bags by the front door and then shoot off first thing on a Saturday morning to my local supermarket. I’d get there, park up, grab a trolley and start off by spending a good half an hour in the clothes and homeware sections before venturing into the food aisles, taking them row by row.
I found the whole experience strangely satisfying. I’d start the week safe in the knowledge that after a few hours I’d have all the ingredients I needed for a week of evening meals with the bonus of picking up a new top for work or a new candle for the lounge. I was the hunter/gatherer whilst the other half was at home in front of the PlayStation. By noon, I’d be done and dusted and have the whole weekend ahead of me. Bliss!
These days, the pandemic has changed my Saturday morning routine into a mid-week nightmare. I won’t venture to the supermarket at the weekends for fear of there being too many people around and the ever-present threat of COVID-19. We’re in a support bubble with my 75 year old mother and have spent the last year avoiding as many potential contact threats as possible in order to try and keep her safe. So I try to limit my shopping to once per fortnight, pick a weeknight when I pray it won’t be too busy and find myself venturing out, completely frazzled after work, masked up and gritting my teeth for another round of dodge the bloody rule-breakers!
Honestly, why do some people have to be such selfish, rule-breaking, complete and utter bastards eh? Do they have no thought for other people at all? Are they really so utterly idiotic? I’m generally quite a laid-back, tolerant person but lately, I feel this unbelievable rage building up inside of me every time I’m in a supermarket and its all because of people acting like selfish twats! *And breathe*
So in the spirit of Blue Monday week (the most depressing week of the year), I thought that I would share my grumpiness with you, our loyal readers, by identifying the symptoms of my rage:- The Twats Who Get On My Nerves in Supermarkets. Enjoy.
Space Invaders
Out of all of the current supermarket twats out there, these are the ones who grind my gears the most. Have you not been watching the news for the last few weeks? Do you not realise that we are all supposed to be SOCIAL DISTANCING? Oh, what’s that, you do? Then how come you are reaching over my shoulder for a packet of broccoli and breathing down my neck whilst you’re doing it? Do you have no patience? WELL, NEITHER DO I! I have no patience for your complete and utter disregard for my personal space and your total lack of thought for who I may come into contact with when I leave the store. Back away before I crown you with a lettuce you impatient sod.
I am forever dodging people who get too close to me. It’s like a game of keep-away without the fun. I know they may just be complacent or thoughtless but we’re in a pandemic and case numbers are rising so I’m afraid that you have to think right now – think about others, not just yourself. It’s even worse at the checkout – the minute I get to the end of the till, some twat usually jumps on the other end of the checkout to start loading items. Then the check-out person has to tell them to go back to the queue section, they end up getting the arse with her and on and on the bad behaviour goes. Take a chill pill people! We all want to limit our time in the shop but do you really have to be such a impatient prick?
Non-Mask Wearers
I completely understand that some people genuinely can’t wear masks for medical reasons. Totally 100% agree that their health is a priority. But why is it then alright for them to stand in front of me, get up close and start asking me where the milk is? Seriously? It’s not okay but being the polite person that I am, I will engage whilst I quietly fume inside and look forward to a nice disinfecting gin when I get home.
As for the people who just don’t want to wear a mask because they don’t like them – grow up! Seriously, if you’re not willing to put yourself through a bit of discomfort to help others at the moment then shame on you. Last time I was in the supermarket, I saw two teenagers removed from the store by the security guard for not wearing masks. By the time they’d been removed, they had shouted in the shop assistants’ faces – no regard for anyone but themselves.
Touchers
The picture above shows a sensible lady wearing disposable gloves in the supermarket. She knows she will be touching things so has taken precautions to protect herself and others. Whilst even I think this is a bit over the top, what I don’t enjoy is walking into the supermarket and noticing that the woman who went in before me hasn’t so much as glanced at the hand sanitiser at the front of the shop. Instead, she is heading straight for the fruit section where she then proceeds to handle all of the bananas before deciding on a bunch she likes and putting them in her trolley. What a cockwomble.
People Who Are Rude to Shop Assistants
Honestly, the supermarket workers of the world should each get a fucking medal and a bloody big pay rise! Not only have they had to go to work throughout the pandemic so that we all have the things we need to survive, they have had to risk their own health and their family’s health to do it. But how are they rewarded? With abuse, that’s how.
Rather than being grateful and friendly to the supermarket workers who have worked so hard for us, I have seen people shout at them, invade their space, tug on their arms to get their attention, swear at them for having no toilet paper in the shop (true story), blame them for the lack of products on offer, get arsey with them over masks, get arsey with them over social distancing and just generally be complete and utter arseholes to these poor people who are just trying to do their jobs. Anyone who is rude or nasty to a supermarket worker can officially bugger off! Also, I’m going to have a bloody long chat with them at the till and ask them how they are and you’re just going to have to WAIT a bit longer and be PATIENT you total twonk.
Judgers
The pandemic has been hard on all of us and we’ve all put on a *few* pounds okay? My working hours have gone completely crazy and I often don’t move from my computer screen until well past 7 in the evening. So what I don’t need is someone tutting at the amount of ready meals and bottles of booze in my trolley, okay? It’s not shopping, it’s SURVIVAL. Think of me as the unhealthy, work from home version of Bear Grylls… now move away from the chocolate so I can fill my trolley, go home and weep into my gin.
Ditherers
Oh you poor, tired, indecisive people. I completely understand that you’ve had a long day and now you have placed your whole trolley in front of the Chinese ready meal section whilst you stand there trying to decide between chicken chow mein and beef in black bean sauce. I patiently wait for you to make a decision, my eye firmly on the ready-packed Chinese tea for two that lies just beyond my grasp and firmly in your view.
Just when I think you’ve made your mind up, your phone goes and it’s a text that just can’t wait to be read. Meanwhile, you’re creating a bottleneck and everyone behind me is now getting too close to me and starting to push past me and you don’t care and they don’t care and I get all hot and I end up running away completely Chineseless! This is often how I end up getting a takeaway delivered after I go shopping. *Sigh*.
Parents Who Let Their Children Run Wild
Now please don’t get me wrong on this one. I have friends with kids, I understand how difficult parenting has been throughout the pandemic. I understand that kids can be little buggers at times and don’t always do as they’re told. I also understand that some parents want to try and keep things as normal as possible for them in a bid to shield them from the horrors of the pandemic and the reality of life in the UK right now.
What I don’t understand is why some parents seem to think it’s alright for their little darlings to tear down the aisles, touch everything in sight, run up to me, run up to old people and stick things in their mouths whilst said parent just stands there, watching them and smiling. ARE YOU HAVING A FUCKING LAUGH OR WHAT?! This is a supermarket, not a bloody playpark, get your bloody kid under control and start thinking about other families for a change! Just fucking fuck off!!!
I get so angry about this it’s untrue. Kids are cool but even this kind of behaviour when we’re not in a pandemic would be slightly iffy. For god’s sake parents, get some discipline happening or one day your little darlings are going to grow up to be chucked out of supermarkets by the security guard…..
Ahhhhh, that’s so much better! It’s amazing how a good rant can just calm you right down, isn’t it? If something is really getting on your wick then I highly recommend that you write it down – it’s very cathartic and makes you feel tonnes better! I hope my grumbles have made you giggle.
Until next time…..
SJB
So Just Be 