I’ve been having a tough time recently. In isolation, I could have coped with any of my issues, but combine ill health, bereavement, perimenopause and a difficult time at work, and you’ve discovered my kryptonite.
For years, I’ve been bumbling through life feeling reasonably invincible, but for the past year, I’ve been a tad broken.
Things came to a head one summer weekend in 2023. The perfect storm arrived, and I couldn’t cope with life anymore.
I lost hours, then days, then weeks, then months. I could sit and look at the sky for hours. I wasn’t showering, wasn’t washing my hair. I didn’t care about my appearance … didn’t need to because I barely left the house.
I spent a year trying. Trying to get better. Trying counselling. Trying therapy. Trying new things. Trying everyone’s patience, probably, too. I was slowly improving but really I was just learning to live with a new version of me.
Then came Glastonbury weekend in 2024. I was all set up in the garden with my ipad, snacks, drinks and a list of sets I wanted to watch.
Out of the blue, a friend insisted on a visit. She was fed up with me giving her excuses. There was no time to clean the house, tidy up, or even change my appearance properly. I had to suck it up. She was not taking no for an answer.
She told me there were no judgments, no critical eyes. She said we’d sit in the garden so I didn’t need to stress about my untidy house. She was on her way and all I could do was sit and wait.
We talked, we listened, we hugged, and we drank wine. No phones, no distractions. Just two friends in the moment, totally focused on each other. And it was lovely.
She left quite late, and I finished the day with Glastonbury, watching Coldplay with a Chinese takeaway. Coldplay were once again amazing, including so many people on stage and sharing messages of peace and love. It was an emotional watch. One of their special guests was Michael J. Fox, in his wheelchair, who despite living with Parkinsons, played along with his guitar, loving every moment.
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. After a year of counselling, therapy, and self-care, I can finally feel a change. A positive change. A change for the better.
The 2024 Coldplay performance on that iconic Pyramid Stage and an afternoon of wine with an old friend showed me what kindness is and how we can all be better people.
Watching Chris Martin and the rest of the band soak up every moment, encouraging the audience to enjoy their music without phones in their hands, and seeing the beautiful, diverse crowd on their stage towards the end sparked something in my heart.
Chris was right—most humans can rub along together peacefully if we try. It was a set filled with beautiful messages and sentiments that really touched me.
As they performed “Fix You,” the lyrics resonated with me more than ever. Over the past year, I’ve been so tired I couldn’t sleep, felt stuck in reverse, and tears have streamed down my face for many reasons. I really did lose something, or someone, I couldn’t replace, including myself, for a while.
On that special Saturday, the kindness of a good friend and the powerful combination of love, dazzling lights, and music at Glastonbury did indeed try and fix me. Not completely, but I feel better than I have in a long time.
As Coldplay once said, believe in love.
SJB
So Just Be 